


Jake Loves Squids

by konagii



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Douchestuck, squids, they all play mario kart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 20:29:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11089341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/konagii/pseuds/konagii
Summary: "What the fuck." They said in unison, a look of utter disgust plastered onto their faces."What do you mean 'what the fuck'?" Jake questioned, "Is it unreasonable for a mature man, such as myself, to enjoy a good squirt once and a while?"-Basically Jake, Jade, and Dirk play Mario Kart 7 and Dirk questions his boyfriend's sanity.





	Jake Loves Squids

**Author's Note:**

> hi so this is a one-shot for my friends Lance and Em, go check them out on insta @edgycaliforniaroll and @variouspineapples thanks for reading

  "Oh shit!" yelled Jade as her character fell off the map. Dirk, Jake, and Jade were at the English/Harley household playing Mario Kart 7 having a sick ass time. Jade had forced the other two to play with her on rainbow road and she was losing by a lot. Her kart got pulled back on the track a moment later but now she was really behind. She drove into an item block and a squid appeared in the upper left-hand corner of the screen. She pressed the L button and watched Dirk and Jake not be able to see on the most vision reliant course.

  "Y'know," Jake started as his kart drove off a ledge, "I kinda like being squirted by the squid!"

  The other two slowly turn their heads to face him. "What the fuck." They said in unison, a look of utter disgust plastered on their face. "What do you mean 'what the fuck'?" Jake questioned. "Is it unreasonable for a mature man, such as myself, to enjoy a good squirt once and a while?"

  Jade groaned and set down her 3DS. She cradled her face in her hands and rolled off the couch that she was sitting on. "Jake, whyyyyyy?" She cried, her sentence was slightly muffled due to her hands. "I'm going to fucking disown you."

  Jake also set down his game. "Why are you disowning me? I did nothing wrong!" He pouted. "Dirk, babe, tell my dear sister that she is being unreasonable!"

  Dirk said nothing and just stared at Jake. "Fucking hentai bullshit," Jade shook her head, "I can't believe my brother is into tentacle porn."

  "I am not into tentacle porn!" Jake retaliated. "I just like a good squirt! Dirk squirts on me all the time!"

  The Strider took out a spray bottle from out of his fucking ass and squirted Jake with water. He hissed at the light mist and scampered away. Jade looked at Dirk very confusedly but didn't question it. Dirk and Jake's relationship was an interesting one that she did not want to get involved in.

**Author's Note:**

> alt ending  
> -  
> durxxxxu broketh up w jek and went 2 go fuk arnea and kartka at da same tiem. jkae cri n was depreson till jonh gev him da sw33t pussi.


End file.
